Jun 17 17

Park Hound – Hyde Park

Jack Cutforth

Visited: 3 June 2017 by JC & JB

Big bastard of a park, to quote the Royal Parks website. Seriously, it just goes on and on. This is pretty convenient because it means it’s nearby to a number of different places in London. You can be in Marble Arch, Knightsbridge, Notting Hill or even at the museums in South Kensington and you won’t be far from Hyde Park. It also means that even on a hot day you can always find a space away from other people, if that’s your thing.

Hyde park has a long history of hosting famous concerts. The Rolling Stones especially have played here several times, including at the park’s public opening in the early 17th Century.

The park was founded before that, by noted feminist and head collector Henry VIII. He used it as a hunting ground, so he could kill deer to quench his interminable blood lust in between murdering his wives and friends.

Hunting deer, or indeed your wife, in the park is frowned upon these days, but it’s a solid option for some drinks. Not only is it massive, with plenty of spots in the sun to choose from, it hasn’t yet been taken over by sports wankers in the way that Regent’s Park has. There’s a much lower risk that a group of over-enthusiastic bell ends set up a game of softball around you. If that does happen, though, challenge the Alpha Bell End (there’s always an Alpha) to a duel – these used to happen in Hyde Park quite frequently, so they might still be legal because of some ancient legal loophole or something, I dunno, you should probably double check before you take your dueling pistols actually.

Finally, Hyde Park is close to a number of excellent pubs, for when the sun is starting to set but you’re not ready to go home. Check out the Grenadier if you’re near Hyde Park Corner, undoubtedly one of London’s strangest pubs.

Hyde Park is one of a string of royal parks in the center of London. Personally I prefer it to Green Park, but that could just be because it’s bigger and I’m a simple, simple man who thinks that bigger is always better.