May 19 16

Tamesis Dock, Albert Embankment, SE1

Jack Cutforth

Visited: 7 May by JB  & JC


Hypothetical: It’s quitting time at work and you’re about to shuffle home to eat your microwave dinner, watch Masterchef, have a little cry and then go to sleep, hoping that maybe tomorrow you’ll wake up in someone else’s body. But then you realise it’s sunny outside. Like, actual sun. Blue skies, temperatures tickling the mid-20s. It’s weather you could conceivably get sunburnt in.

What do you do? Obviously, you have to do something. Yes, it’s only May, but this is Britain: this could be the last sunny day of the year. You need to celebrate it the only way you know how: drinking too much.

But where do you go? For some reason you feel the need to be near a body of water. Why is that? We’ve asked before, and still don’t know. But it’s definitely true.

If you’re in central London, look no further than the Tamesis Dock. It’s a converted 1930s Dutch barge, and while it’s not quite on the Thames (or maybe it is in high tide?) it’s as close as you realistically want to get. The bar is inside, which is surprisingly spacious: it’s on two levels but there’s a sort of mezzanine thing going on which means you can see down to the bottom so it’s not as claustrophobic as it could be. The bar is understandably small and therefore has a limited amount of lagers and ales, but the selection is good enough. They also do food, and the sharing platters seemed popular. Inside they also have a small stage, and often have live music for the punters (and anyone else near the Thames) to enjoy.

It’s obviously on top where you want to be when it’s sunny though. You’ll need to get here early, like every other outdoor space in London when the weather is nice, but it’s worth it. Looking out towards the North Bank, you can look left towards Vauxhall, or right which gives you a beautiful view of Big Ben, Westminster and the London Eye, all reminding you why you spend two thirds of your rent to live in a shoebox in this city: because it’s one of the best in the world.

Oh and if you look straight ahead you can see a load of seagulls fighting over food, shouting at each other and other ducks, and generally being dicks. Which is also great.

All in all, a must visit when it’s sunny. FULL STEAM AHEAD.

Beer: 4
Price: 3
Service: 4
Atmosphere: 5

Do they do food? Yes, if you trust food cooked on a boat. It looked good, and was popular when we were there, to be fair.
Are they in the 21st Century? Sign behind the bar says cash is preferred. Five pound minimum.
Are there dogs? Sea dogs welcome
I want to smoke: You can smoke on the deck