Visited: Friday 15 January by GM, JC & JB
After a tray of Troubadours at The Old Goat and a blue plastic bag of road beers for the train into London, I was pretty much steaming drunk by the time I got to The Three Johns. So was Jack, but because he blacked out and can’t remember anything I’ve had to step into the breach and write the review. So, what can I remember about The Three Johns?
1) It’s located in Angel, a short stagger from the tube station. It has bouncers on the doors, and is so busy that it’s windows are pouring with the condensed sweat from its Friday night revellers. I wrote ‘Cutforth loves Miliband’ with my finger after ‘Cutforth loves arsehole’ was deemed too offensive by one of our party. It’s probably still there.
2) It’s got a dazzling array of whiskies and beers. I know this because I woke up with a photograph of all its whiskies on my phone, and was tricked into having a Weihenstephaner dunkel as I arrived. It tasted like a three-course dinner in a pint glass and bears no resemblance to its delicious ‘Kristall Weissbier’ counterpart. There’s another one that’s 8.5% and much more palatable, but I can’t remember what it’s called (Ed?) (I actually had one of those 8.5% beers, followed by several more in the Alma, so you might as well ask me to remember the 1954 FA Cup Final – Ed)
3) It’s not got a jukebox, rather an app that you download to select your location and music choice. While this is a monumental drunken struggle akin to booking an Uber at the end of a heavy night out, it does mean that all your music gets played because no one else can be arsed with the hassle. We opted for David Bowie (PBUH) and Oasis, mostly.
4) It’s open later than The Alma. After we helped pack away the chairs at our new top five favourite haunts, we filed back here (along with the bar staff from the other pub). It was still super lively.
Do they do food? Does the beer count as food? Depends what you go for.
Is it in the 21st century? Contactless payments accepted, expensive enough that a minimum charge will rarely be an issue.
Are there dogs? Probably a bit too busy and loud for our four-legged friends. Nearly too busy and loud for Boozehound.
I want to smoke: I don’t blame you. Better take it outside where you can smoke on the street, though.
An outrageous slur